BOO!HOLLA!!hhehehss!! well,i kinda like can't sleep again. dark rings surrounding my eyes.
aniwaes hu cares.can't be seen. i will put lotsa cucumbers on my eyes and paste it on.
haha.
i was browsing through my pathetic newborn friendster again and again,hoping to find my vitamin R. ok ok,i noe i am being an idiot here. but wat to do? its a task which i love to do. so aniwan ask me wat am i doing?my answer wud me finding vita R. i realised something while i was browsing. i actualli went to each and everiwan's profile in the friendster. i typed at the search bar, ite simei..and 2000 over of it appeared on the screen. as i was browsing thru, i actualli entered guys's profile and looking at their's as if they are my friends. i forgot that i am actualli viewing their profile openly.oh my gawd! so they actualli will see me in their who viewed my profile list?! oh my god!
aniza aniza..a truely blockheaded goddess! aniwaes,i didn't get to find him again. failed again. so so disappointed. not that im a stalker. but i just want to view his profile. its been years since we've met. i missed him alot. he's my first crush ever man. though,yea,he's in my school and we gotta see each other lessay if we bumped. but i jus wanna noe how is he now.as in his character and stuff. is he still da same. thats wat i wanna noe. nuthing much. well, it's okie! i will never give up! hard headed,am i? say wat u want, i dun care.
there's this drama that i watched recentli. it did gave me a deep impression. not the love part. i hate love. i juz love like.thats it,full stop.no more than like. its the part where this lady,who lost her dad when she was a teenager. but fortunately, everytime when she's feeling down, she dreamt of her dad coming to her and she kinda like expressed her feelings.pour out her tears to him. well, it kinda leave me wiping my tears with 2 pieces of tissues.one for the eyes and one for the nose. i didnt noe why i cried. i guess,i just missed my dad that much. well, i dun cry out to my dad. more to my mom actualli. but i really miss bullying my dad and we joking together.the onli person who could leave me hanging pouring out my tears is my dad. wow!damn! he can juz spit heart stabbing words to my heart man! leaving it tearing up to pieces. n next is my mom. she actualli can make me cry by making me filthy guilty of what i did. sometimes i dun meant wad i did.she's the wan hu take it differentli and hardli. but later on, her words realli make me cry a bucket man! gosh.wad parents do i haf. i could actually cried a gallon with them around!
now that my dad's gone, i can realli feel the oddness in my family. no more hard laughter from me and my dad, no more teasing. and i miss him asking me for favours when he's sick.
used to take care of him.even if its 3am.i will still be open to his commands. he will usually urine in a urinal and get me to wash it off. "B! ayah dah kencing! tolong..terime kasihlah buat susah2 jer."..during his last month with us, he alwaes thank us whenever he asked us for favours. well, i dun mind it at all. the thought of it can make me cry. its been allmost 5 month now. still cant forget him. nowan could replace a dad like him. seriously. although i used to hate him soo much. but i think i dun hate him.oh my gawd! i wanna cry..well, he kinda told me that he acted rough wif me coz he dun wan his gurl to be so soft hearted like others.he wan be to noe my stand. to be bold enough to stand for wad i did right. noe how to make my own decisions in life. be responsible. i'm taught to be one hard hearted,hard headed gurl. im damn stubborn if u guys wanna noe. i hate people hu force me to do things that i dun wan to. i can get angry.
i noe im harsh with my words.but trust me. i dun mean it. its juz that im taught in a different environment and different parents.
love my parents alot..
went to my cousin's house just now. just another family gathering. to be honest its kinda bored down there. hanging around with aunties and uncles. didnt do much,just barely hear them talked and gossip a bit here and there. a while later, my cousin's in-laws came. oh my gosh, can i tell u something?? they are purely lame! i dun understand their joke at all. in the first place is it supposed to be a joke or wad? they were happily enjoying talking to each other while i watched them with my empty fake smiley face..that looks like oh-my-gawd-its-funny-hahaha..u get what i meant. super lame lah..
butsomething sweet happened down there. it reminded me of my parents.how they used to be a sweet couple. well its my cousin's mother-in-law's burfday, they celebrated it there. the husband actualli made a surprise party for her,without us knowing. then when she blew the candles, the husband actually kissed her. wow! thats soo sweet rite.. i mean, they are quite old to be called nanny and grandpapa, but they are still sweetly loving couple. i can tell that they both love and appreciate each other alot. how i wish i could see how my future is..**sighs**
ya ya. i sound pathetically insane.. no worries.. i don't care, i live my life to the fullest each day. be happy each day cos u never know whether u can still see the sun the next day!
Adios!
